18
Jan

The thief apprentice

   Posted by: Red Moon   in RedMoons Rants

After that terrible experience with my demon that made me realize that I’m a bad mother, I decided to try to be better, and pay some attention to my other kids…One of them has a retentive personality, the poor thing… and he have been compulsively saving piles of gold since he was born. Now, part of that gold became from stealing… (a huge part indeed). Yes, you are thinking about the right person…he is Ox, my “special” kleptomaniac son.

Concerned about the best way to understand my child, I decided to change my class and experience thieves skills… And that’s how my saga as a thief started…Ox and Mama Delicious, my son and my daughter in law, taught me how to steal money. Listening to them was like listening to Bonnie & Clyde’s advices. They are so good for crime!.The problem is that I’m not a strong girl, you know… so for me it was like trying to rob a bank with a plastic gun and a clown’s mask on. My first attempts were total fails… I commited suicide against most of the strong characters at the gold list. It took me a lot of thumps to learn the names of those that I wasn’t able to beat.

The second problem that I faced was my speed. And I’m not talking about my in game agility (that sucks…), I’m talking about my speed in real life, to make the right clicks with the mouse and such. I have the reaction’s capacity of a panda bear (a sleepy one), and the speed of a disorientated tortoise. So I arrived to the battle with my plastic gun and the crazy look on my clown’s mask, just when the opponent had left after saving his money at the bank and having two coffees with the bank’s manager.

Long working hours and hard sweating days were needed until I finally got my first big take. I got 16 millions, and you should have see me in that moment. I was happier than a dog with two tails. But ten minutes later I faced the most serious problem for my criminal career… I received a touching mail asking for the money back “because I was about to use it to buy medicine for my demon that is at bed with flu“.

You know, by nature, women comes to the world with an amazing capacity for guilt, but just a awesome coordinated team work between teachers, parents and ex boyfriends could achieve results as the ones that you can see on me. I’m the Queen of Guilt. If you stare at me, I will feel guilty without a clear reason… If you don’t talk to me, I will feel guilty about something that I can’t define… If you mess it up, I will feel guilty as hell…If you happen to be 1000 kilometers far away from me, and you accidentally step on a pile of shit… I will feel guilty anyway!!!.So just imagine how I felt when I received that touching mail… I bit my toe’s nails until I ended with them… What to do, what to do?….

There was when my anguished steps took me to The Hunger…

I don’t know how he made it, but it took him ten minutes to convince me that it was my right to have that gold on my bank, and the money was before at the other player’s hands by mistake. I got such a brain wash with Hunger’s speech that when he finished talking I went back to the ven looking for that noob to kick his ass one more time!.At the beginning we agreed on a complete mentoring program to make a bitch of me. But time showed us that I’m really bad for that, not tough enough, the spirit is not there… I did my best efforts to learn and take advantage of his evil advices… but I kept feeling guilty anyway when he wasn’t there to deal with it. So I offered to pay him 10% of my stealing to represent me.

That worked really good. He can be a complete asshole, and he do it with class and style… victims even give me helpful spectra after talking with him!. Now he is my Representative for all the stealing issues, and deal with the mugged people for me.   Every time I receive one of those touching mails, I just answer “Please, talk with my Representative about it”, and send it to The Hunger. Believe me, it’s the best spent money ever!.

Red Moon


This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 18th, 2011 at 12:00 and is filed under RedMoons Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

7 comments so far

The_Hunger
 1 

Haha, love it!

January 18th, 2011 at 12:12
WargtheWiser
 2 

Great Post! I will be sending your representative an e-mail with feed back on your blog at my next available opportunity!

It is nice to be present at a birth, even if it is the birth of a thief with an emerging criminal’s heart!

Lmao!

January 18th, 2011 at 14:09
Kvakaca
 3 

So here’s the thief Mama’s been talking about… Hmm, you know what’s the best moment for a thief? When he steals gold from another thief, so I’ll be looking for you :P

January 18th, 2011 at 16:20
Mim
 4 

LOL

Can i follow Hunger special training too ?

January 18th, 2011 at 17:42
RavenKnight
 5 

lol, epic article, well done SRM!

On a side note, can I get enrolled in Hunger College? Just kidding, I like being a nice guy… :D

January 19th, 2011 at 04:27
Shrooms
 6 

I have yet to make a really big score in pickpocketing but Redmoon..go to hunger? *face palms and starts laughing*

His college would be ah..unique *LOL* is teasing but was funny blog and yes…venners kinda go through same thing when friends not in thier clan jump down thier throat because of venning.

February 14th, 2011 at 00:29
Diablo
 7 

As if you needed a representative to help someone in the game. It’s the very same thing.

Whenever you give back gold, you hinder that noob’s progress in the game. He won’t be able to learn to value his hard earned gold. Instead, he will be encouraged to beg, out of pity:”Poor thing, he probably needed that gold”. Yes, and?

This should still be the first thing any new player should learn: “Bank your gold.”

Think about the consequences if some noob does not learn this. Yes, that player will have to beg for his gold back, on many occasions.

Besides, the moment you take the gold, they’re not theirs anymore. They’re yours.

You can think of this is brainwashing, it does not matter. What matters is that it helps noone. Consider real help and guidance for the newbie and you will save him from becoming a noob.

March 4th, 2011 at 14:44

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