25
Mar

PigBird Industries Burelia Ore Plant Closes Its Doors

   Posted by: SwineParrot   in PigBird's Cage

PigBird Industries regretfully announces the closing of its offshore Karujus Migrant Worker Ore Production.  The global economic downturn finally caught up with our little family operation.  We just could not keep up with the rising cost of oil to run the drills and the outrageous amount of sapphires the workers demanded in compensation in this latest of a series of contract disputes between the workers and management (namely, ME!) .  I know, I know – Contrary to popular belief, I am no philanthropist; I got into ore production to fabricate an insane profit pit.  I did not sign up to produce 1,000,000 pieces of ore for the obscene price of 88 sapphires.

Instead, I have issued a general recall of all Burelia Ore sold by PigBird Industries, and pulled all product off the shelves of the Ore Market.  Persons affected by this and who have recently bought ore from me over the last 4 months and desire to return this latest batch of goods are instructed to bundle their ore back up in the burlap sack it came with along with their faded receipt, proof of purchase, model number, serial number, and come prepared with the secret handshake and all monies will be fully refunded for 10cents on the gold piece with no (other) questions asked (please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery of cheque through Westland Postal Services).

PigBird Industries now turns its attention on new ventures that I am contractually obligated not allowed to divulge at this time.  Look for a new “WTF? What a rip-off deal that Pig-Guy is offering now!!!” opportunity at a market near you. 

I would like to take this time to personally thank all my supporters, suppliers, and customers that I have hounded, begged, manipulated, hood-winked, tricked, and swindled these last few years.  Without you, I could not be as rich as I am.

A special “Thank You” goes out to our beloved Feltash:  Thank you, dear Feltash,  for giving me back a full nights sleep.

[End of Press Release]

This entry was posted on Friday, March 25th, 2011 at 20:50 and is filed under PigBird's Cage. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One comment

Maggie_Pie
 1 

I would like to thank Mr Feltash too, as now all the little guys can “hound, beg, manipulate, hood-wink, trick, and swindle” as you put it, the ore markets and the buyers.

Nice post :P

March 25th, 2011 at 22:07

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